How do you walk away from your work and come back six months, a year or more later with nothing changed? You don't.

Whether it's time off to have a baby or leave for health or other reasons, when you make one choice, something else gives.

Elizabeth Vargas knows this well. Pregnant, she stepped down as co-anchor of ABC World News Tonight after only five months when her doctors advised her to cut back her workload. In retrospect, she acknowledges that walking away from the network's primo spot after such a brief time probably set back her career, said an article in the Philadelphia Inquirer.

"I took a big sidestep by having my second child. There was a price to be paid," she said, adding, "I happen to think it was worth it." Still, "I'm not fooling myself. I gave up a very prominent job to go have a baby. I'm returning to a very prominent job, but not as prominent as the one I left."

Her realistic approach helps her accept the reality about her choice. But not everyone is so clear-headed. When one of my clients wanted to take a sabbatical and another wanted time off to deal with a family situation, they resented their co-workers or management. Management empathized, but their focus was on how the work would get done.

"Why can't they just accept that I have a life outside of work?" one woman complained. She was also upset when she returned to discover that one of her peers was promoted.

It is no different than leaving to take a year long vacation in Bali, says management psychologist Karissa Tucker. "The show must go on."

Whether it's another situation or to have a baby, she says, "It is not reasonable to think that you can be on vacation in Bali without missing opportunities...you cannot take advantage of opportunities when you are not present."

As a result, some professionals opt not to take what attorney Marina Park calls "true maternity leave"--where you disappear completely for a period of time. "They use email, voice mail and virtual networks to stay in touch with their offices and clients, even if they are not on the front lines of new projects for awhile."

A managing partner at Pillsbury Winthrop Shaw Pittman in Los Angeles, she took two leaves after becoming a partner--one five months, the other six months. When she returned, "people welcomed me back and my work ramped right back up. It made a big difference that I stayed in touch."

Others say the transition doesn't go so smoothly. A woman "may think she's going to pop out a baby, take conference calls from her hospital bed, telecommute while she's nursing the baby and pilate her way back to the size she wore when she bought her closet full of work clothes, " says April Masini who writes about relationships. But now she is a mother and "her mind is never in just one place any more. And men know it," she adds.

If you decide you want or need to take a chunk of time off from work, if possible, stay connected. And give yourself time to readjust when you return, says Tucker. Don't come back until you can get back in the saddle for real--with your full attention on work when you're working.

People are interested in children, but don't overdo it with too many slide shows on your phone, she says. Others will be watching you closely in your first month back. Women need to show up with their head in the game and make sure everyone knows they are not fragile."

Every choice has a consequence. Whether you decide to go back to school full-time, raise a family or leave work for a mental health break, make sure you understand the ramifications of your choice so you'll be more likely to say, "It was worth it."

© by Andrea Kay

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