That doesn't mean you're bad. The "gutsier you" will still be hardworking, kind and respectful of others, says Kate White, editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan and author of Why Good Girls Don't Get Ahead But Gutsy Girls Do (Warner Books.)

When you're gutsy you say adios to "good girl" messages like worrying about what everyone thinks of you and always trying to please others. If you don't, you never takes risks, try to do everything and always follows the rules. (Which by the way, some men do, too.) And it will get you nowhere in your career.

Many women learn this behavior early on. Little girls observe the thousands of ways their mothers take care of the family, says White. They hear the message that one of the most important jobs a female has is taking care of others' needs, which often involves putting her own needs aside.

You can get gutsier with White's "nine secrets that every working woman must know" which include breaking the rules or making your own, doing only what's essential, asking for what you want and taking smart risks.

Women who understand these secrets include Victoria Buyniski, president and CEO of United Medical Resources, Inc. She always saw rules as behavioral guidelines more than as something not to be tampered with. At a young age she learned to question whether a rule made sense, how to make her own and weigh the risks of a different approach.

"When I was 10, I wanted to shovel snow. It was better money than babysitting. But girls just didn't do it. So I put a mask over my head, put on a deep voice and asked my neighbors if I could shovel their snow. Everyone knew who I was, but they let me do it. I was within their comfort zone. And I got what I wanted."

Asking for what you want is tough even for gutsy girls, says author White. Whether it's a raise or more responsibility, a good girl feels she shouldn't have to ask and should be rewarded for her efforts. She thinks it looks greedy to ask and will be branded as pushy. A gutsy girl accepts that she must ask anyway.

"Life isn't fair," says Buyniski. "So I don't just ask for what I want. I work for it."

Like the time she was recruited to start a non-profit organization from scratch. "I wanted the community's trust and respect and for them to see the merits of the organization. My success hinged on it. I was very familiar with Junior Achievement and asked to be one of their advisers. It got me involved in the community. I got on boards. My non-threatening approach helped them to believe in the program."

How do you only do what's essential? Women are obsessed with the concept of a to-do list, says White. It fills up with lots of housekeeping activities you feel an obligation to stay on top of. Another female exec, Dale Brown, says, "Effective business people don't do everything that's on the 'to do' list. They do the most important things, and sometimes things on the list don't need to be done, can get delegated or get delayed."

Once a gutsy girl, always a gusty girl is not necessarily the case. It's easy to fall back into being a Goody Two-Shoes. Certain conditions and settings will activate your need to please and play it safe. Like when you're in a new work environment or stressed and you unnecessarily begin to doubt yourself, says White.

One way to stay gutsy is to look at things through a guy's eyes, she says. She doesn't promote in any way that you act like a man. She does, however, suggest you go to men for input. Brown also suggests that "women don't ask for advice often enough and men don't volunteer it often enough."

© by Andrea Kay