I have a pregnant friend with a very responsible job. When she found out she was pregnant, she debated whether to tell her employer. "I don't know how they'll take it," she said, as we discussed possible repercussions. So for the next five months she's decided to wear oversized clothing to hide her pregnancy.

--Concerned Friend

Dear Concerned:

She has cause for concern. The "maternal wall" is "an invisible yet powerful, impediment to a woman's ability to successfully merge ambition and nurturing," says Deborah J. Swiss, author of Women Breaking Through (Pacesetter Books). It's a bias that can stall, even derail a career. And there's plenty evidence it exists.

Students at DePaul University were asked to rate a videotaped job performance of the same woman, pregnant for half of the students and not pregnant for the other half. The pregnant employee was consistently rated lower.

An eight-month pregnant woman was nominated for a high-ranking position in Massachusetts. One of the men who would vote on her appointment asked publicly, "'What are you? Superman? The most important thing is that little baby and the family...I think you're overextending yourself.'"

Many times this labeling continues long after a child is born. A woman away on her twelve-week leave called the office to check on a project and was told she would no longer be working on it when she returned, even though she had successfully managed it for two years.

When she returned, even though she worked harder to regain her position, her responsibilities were cut back. She moved to another branch. "I didn't bring up the fact that I had two children...and was given lots of great business opportunities."

A female attorney told about a weekly group meeting where attendance is expected. After one meeting that she and the only other woman in the group didn't attend (they were both in court), the supervising partner sent them memos asking where they were--something he had never asked of men who missed meetings. "I confronted him about his assumption that we must have had child-care problems. I had to account for myself while the men were assumed to be legitimately busy with something else."

Women who leave work to deal with family matters get penalized. One woman who got rave reviews of her work was told her numeric rating would be lowered from a "5" to a "4" because she left work early twice in two years to pick up her sick child (even though she took home a briefcase of work.) The next time her child was sick, she claimed an illness herself.

Those are instances of why some women make a conscious decision to hide their status as a mother--or feel they must lie. A cop-out or a survival tactic? asks Swiss.

A woman must challenge the assumptions of what a mother should be, where she should spend her time and how she should lead her life to prevent these assumptions from undermining career potential, Swiss says.

Women also can't wait for the maternal wall to crumble on its own. Become advocates and initiate alternative, more flexible work arrangements as company policy. Then you need to:

• Conduct periodic check-ins. Ask your boss and personnel, "Has there been any feedback that this isn't working? How are my coworkers reacting?"

• Put in writing a detailed description of your new working arrangement. Suggest a review of the arrangement in six months; say you'll revert to a traditional schedule after a trial period if you can't meet the demands of the job.

• Refuse to let a flexible work arrangement push you off the career radar screen. Walk the halls. Let people know you're alive.

• Showcase your performance at every chance.

• Look for and expect no favors. Be the first to see if your arrangement is working for everyone.

• Don't apologize for developing an option that's right for you.

• Don't carry any guilt about leaving at a set time.

• Assume the role of corporate educator for putting family-friendly policies into practice. Put in writing a plan for a leave, work reentry or a nontraditional schedule.

© by Andrea Kay