And contrary to what you might think, these women aren't going home to have or take care of children, says a women's research group. No, they're becoming consultants, starting and running their own firms "their way," getting into careers they feel are worthwhile, adventurous or let them do what they love to do.

These were the findings of a survey conducted by Fortune of 300 career women ages 35-49 in 1995. Those who conducted the survey were surprised to find that much of these women's dissatisfaction didn't stem from work-family struggles (women with and without children felt similarly) or the glass ceiling. I'm not surprised at all. And today, the findings are similar.

I talk to professional women all the time. "I don't need to prove myself anymore...I don't want to play the game by the old rules...I want more to life than this...I want to do something that helps people... " they tell me. Where are they coming from? Their choices are "ultimately not about retreat but about redefinition," says the article. They're not only changing their jobs but their ideas of success. As former Labor Secretary Lynn Martin put it: "Women are more aware of what's on the gravestone, which is not 'I worked for IBM.'"

You might be tempted to call this attitude a stage, like midlife crisis. That would be a mere label to explain away a phenomena that is based on these women's realization of "Who needs it?" and what they are doing about their dissatisfaction.

You also can't ignore this reality--these women and their choices are changing the face of business. This "generation of women that blazed new trails into the corporate suites...and is...blazing its own trails out" now employs about three-quarters as many workers as the Fortune 500 companies.

What do men think about all this? Most of them I talk to don't feel they have the "luxury" to make changes. They either: A. See themselves as primary breadwinners and "can't afford to take a chance." B. Are afraid others will see a change as a failure or cop out. C. Think, overall, it's too risky. In private, many tell me they are afraid to change.

A focus group conducted by Fortune concluded that the men seemed stuck and trapped in their "perception, by the burden of being men and envious of the freedom available to many professional women." One man said, "'Men have responsibilities and women have choices." He also says he looks around sometimes and wonders, "Is this all there is?"

But most of the women in the study are major or primary breadwinners for themselves or their families. Women do seem more open to change and risk, in part due to their socialization which primed them to "expect their lives to be multidimensional." Also, most women have "made their own way into the corporate suites" which makes them more courageous about making their own way out.

In Joline Godfrey's book, Our Wildest Dreams, she says women who go out on their own are survivors. "Either through necessity or will, many of them have a fierce need for independence, autonomy, freedom of mind and spirit."

Says the Fortune article, "While men talk to executive recruiters when they want to make a change, women talk to other women...there's an informal grapevine...in which women are reinforcing one another's attitude and helping one another find a better fit."

So why are people surprised by these professional women's change in attitude? One woman says, "The dialogue in the press is not the same as the dialogue among ourselves. This is a far richer and more diverse issue that can be classified by glass ceiling or work-family. It is an array of creative choices by people who reinvent themselves."

© by Andrea Kay