It made me wonder when I overheard a woman at a cafeteria table say to her lunch partner, "You need to act surprised if John says anything about this, but I just heard..." Then she told her co-worker about John’s plans to leave the company.

How much of this goes on? All of the people I interviewed said they are loyal co-workers and employees. It’s everyone else who blabs the details of their co-worker’s and boss’s dating life, child rearing dramas and in-law troubles. "I just listen but never say a word," one Cleveland worker told me.

"I don’t think I’m typical," one information technology worker who swears to keeping secrets said. "I’m pretty sure at least one of my colleagues will gladly gossip behind my back. I won’t stoop to her level."

To a person, they told me they’d never repeat what someone tells them in confidence. The reason?

Your job could depend on keeping information confidential, said one woman. One worker said he wouldn’t want to contribute to office scuttlebutt. More importantly, he wouldn’t want to violate the confidence. How else could he be trusted in the future?

Some people said their willingness to keep something hush hush can depend on circumstances. For instance, if criminal activity or a potential danger such as suicide or drugs were the case, they’d spill the beans.

"There have been times when I’ve gone to my employer and said, ‘I can’t tell you who told me this, but you really need to know this...’ I only do this if I feel the good of the company is in jeopardy or it’s something my employer must deal with."

A manager said she has asked someone permission to discuss something she’d been told in confidence. This was the case with a sexual harassment issue. "If they say no, then I don’t take it further."

Others say they’d be more likely to share confidential information with someone they "could trust," but only that which affected the person or themselves.

For example, an administrative assistant said she knew of a job opening in the company that hadn’t been posted. "If I thought a person would be a good fit, I might say, ‘Watch for a job opening in such-and-such department."

Everyone said they would never rat out their job-hunting co-workers. "Not in today’s climate," said several workers.

Then who’s talking and why? What about the woman I overheard in the cafeteria?

"There’s a short-term ‘high’ you get from the ‘Oh really?’ comments from whomever you told the secret to," a stock broker told me.

"It makes the person spreading the gossip look better," offered another worker.

Even if it’s not intentional, secrets leak. "The person telling stuff ‘in confidence’ usually tells more than one person," one woman said. "I’d hear these highly confidential things that I had been told from others who had also been told."

Whether it’s job hunting or other privileged communication, a "you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours" philosophy seems to prevail. A graphic designer summed it up: "I keep others’ comments to myself, hoping if the tables were turned, they’d do the same for me."

And that’s an attitude worth spreading around.

© by Andrea Kay