First, the "Why you'd say yes" list:

• 1. Saying "yes" says you're a team player. Even though the last thing you need is another project, you demonstrate that you want to help the greater good by offering your expertise and assistance.

• 2. When you get involved in a team or a project outside your regular duties you get exposed to other people-including decision makers--in other departments or other companies. This can help you move up in an organization.

• 3. You learn and expand your expertise.

• 4. You want to help others and it feels good.

• 1. You spend time doing things you won't enjoy and being around people you don't care for while wishing you were at home or work doing something you want. You might even feel resentful.

• 2. You feel pressured and stressed about the new responsibilities and the time it will take to do a good job.

• 3. Other priorities and responsibilities don't get done as well.

• 4. Other relationships suffer.

It can be risky-especially if it's your boss. Also, most of us like to help. It's flattering to be asked. And people typically hate to say "no" because it makes them feel badly. They don't like confrontation, either.

Saying "yes" when you mean "no" is a short-term way to avoid confrontation or feeling embarrassed on the spot. But the expense is long-term pain-stress--says Barbara Braham in an article in Boardroom Reports.

The immediate effect your "yes" has, is that you made the person making the request happy. If you said "no"-like you wanted to-the immediate effect would be that you'd feel uncomfortable about disappointing the person. But the long-term effect is you'd have much less stress, she says.

Next time you're asked to do something, instead of rushing in and agreeing, first get clear about the request. Then, she says, make sure it's worthwhile and that you want to do it.

Ask yourself: What do I have to give up to give this my best, and is it more important than what I have to give up?

If you don't want to flat out say "no," offer an alternative: "I'm not able to be a member of your board, but I can suggest some people who are good candidates."

Or, "I can't commit to being a member of your promotion committee, but I can spend an hour giving you some ideas on how to promote your event."

By giving the person short-term help instead of the longer-term commitment they want, you'll satisfy your desire to help without causing yourself more stress in the process.

© by Andrea Kay