This, says the author of Starting From "No": 10 Strategies to Overcome Your Fear of Rejection and Succeed in Business, is what paralyzes people. So if you're not saying things that need to be expressed or taking action that's staring you in the face, figure out what really frightens you. According to the author, Azriela Jaffee, some of the fears that are often behind the fear of rejection include:

• Fear of failure
  This shows up in your need to be perfect. It probably started when you were a kid when less than an "A"was unacceptable to you or your parents. Today you've created your own high standards for you and everyone else. "By trying to be perfect in everything you do, you erroneously believe that you will avoid rejection," she says. If perfectionism runs you, you allow others to be "judge and jury of your worthiness." The downside is you miss out on opportunities and avoid trying something new because you're not absolutely sure you will excel. Your motto is "Do it right, or don't do it at all." Replace it with "Lighten up. It's only a mistake."
• Fear of success
  It's not actually success that you're afraid of, but what prosperity, abundant work and recognition bring with them that you may not be willing to accept. You might have to work harder, be more accountable or fear people will expect more of you than you can give. Your fear will make it hard for you to set higher goals and make progress. Don't confuse unwillingness with inability. Replace your motto of "I'm almost where I want to be" with "I'm ready for the success I'm capable of achieving."
• Fear of being humiliated
  Probably early in life you were taunted and carry this feeling of being humiliated with you. Since you anticipate rejection you will do almost anything to avoid looking like a fool, become unduly worried about how you look, sound and perform. You become self absorbed as you imagine all the things someone might be thinking or saying about you. As a result you tend to stay away from activities that could leave you feeling embarrassed or ashamed if you're not well received. Change your motto from "I don't want to look like a fool" to "Whatever is the worst that can happen, I'll accept and make the best of it."
• Fear of not being liked
  You take every "no" or complaint to heart because it threatens the image you have of yourself as someone everyone likes. Your worst nightmare is to be viewed as arrogant or to unintentionally offend someone. The downside is you waste energy trying to satisfy everyone--you never will. You need to change your motto from "How can I please you?" to "I am appreciated for who I am and what I contribute."
• Fear of change
  You tend to be attached to the status quo, protecting the success you have achieved, calling on the same clients, doing the predictable and having the same routine. Your fear of the unknown keeps you from reaching your full potential. If you haven't already, you'll plateau and eventually your career or business may die a slow death. You need to change your motto from "Better safe than sorry" to "I'm well-prepared to handle whatever comes my way."

© by Andrea Kay