One thing you’re not supposed to give at a performance review is a big surprise. Like the fact that you think one of your staff is an intimidating team leader who talks down to everyone, while all along this person thought he was doing a dandy job steering the pack.

But many managers do spring this kind of feedback on unsuspecting workers which results in a rating that puts a dent in the worker’s bonus and many times, more deeply, the ego.

When I ask my clients who are managers if they have ever done this, they sheepishly admit they have held back feedback they should have shared sooner. Most say they just don’t have time to talk to people or are simply uncomfortable giving reviews even once or twice a year--let alone more often. So when they only talk to their staff once a year about performance, it can land like a bombshell.

Many say they avoid these conversations because they anticipate conflict—anything from crying to yelling. Some feel ill-equipped to put their observations into just the right words. “I don’t want to sound over-flowery in case something doesn’t work out,” one vice president told me. Others don’t know how to explain their expectations.

When you don’t recognize performance or point out deficiencies in a timely way, you create more problems. Whether you’re new at managing or more seasoned, here are two sources to help you understand the importance of talking often and to find the right words.

• The First-Time Manager, by Lorin B. Belker and Gary S. Topchik (Amacom). From establishing your managerial style to putting it into practice when you do sit down and talk to staff, this book is a good primer for understanding what some managers haven’t yet learned: that their role “is not to direct people” but to get people to become self-directed.

One tip: let your employee do the majority of the talking in reviews. And never write these kinds of statements: “Bright as Alaska in December” or “One neuron short of a synapse.”

• 2600 Phrases for Effective Performance Reviews: Ready-to-Use Words and Phrases that Really Get Results, by Paul Falcone (Amacom). The book breaks down common jargon used to rate workers. It gives ways to concretely tell someone, for example, they rate high when it comes to “Adaptability and Change and Management Skills.” You could rate an employee high in this area by telling her she has the ability to calm “those around her by keeping them focused on the end goal” or that she quickly adapts “to deviation from a pre-planned schedule and course of action.”

If you need to deliver not-so-good news to someone about the quality of their work, the author suggests using: “Confuses minor details with the overall purpose of a project.” If things are A-OK: “Consistently ‘dots the i’s and crosses the t’s’”.

It also gives language to use for specific roles. For instance, when evaluating a paralegal, someone who meets or exceed expectations has “a thorough understanding of the steps involved in civil litigation.” A paralegal who needs improvement could lack focus when reading and interpreting contracts.

A graphic designer who isn’t doing so hot may be “technically challenged in the areas of scanning and image production.”

Also helpful are “essential adverbs to get your point across” including: constructively, deservedly, masterfully, keenly, skillfully, uniformly, wisely, methodically and faithfully.

Finding the right words to communicate your expectations and perceptions in a way that people will get it is key. But doing so regularly matters just as much. Because most people want to know how they’re doing sooner than later.

© by Andrea Kay