Most of you tell me what you will never tell your employer. How much you resent your boss for not giving you feedback. How annoyed you are they brought in some yo yo from the outside to fill a position you aspired to for three years. How unappreciated you are, how ill-equipped you feel to do a job because no one is supporting you or how uncreative your work has become.

Why are you telling me instead of your manager? You figure it won't do any good. You've tried but nothing changed. You've dropped ten hints. It could even be risky. Besides, by now you're looking for a new job, right?

Whether you're a senior executive or an administrative assistant, you have one thing in common with every dissatisfied worker I hear from: You feel you've been treated unfairly.

When you joined your company, you expected things to be fair. To be challenged, feel good about what you do and be recognized. You figured they'd train you and teach you new skills, pay you fairly and along the way, give honest feedback.

But is it all up to your company? Or do you bear some of the responsibility? If you buy into today's workplace ethic, looking for and accepting a job is an exchange, not an entitlement. To find and have satisfying work, you and your employer must both do your parts.

As an employee that means:

• Before you interview, define what you want from your next job.
• Prepare questions that will help you determine if what you want will be possible at that company and ask your questions at the interview. Dig around on the company's Web site to see what they say about the issues that matter to you.
• Ask to talk to other employees.
• Walk around to get a sense of the place and how people interact.
• Once on the job, request a specific time to meet your manager to clarify expectations and see how well you're meeting those.
• Share how you want to grow within the company and what you need to do well.
• If your job has changed, explain how that affects you. Should you be paid more, get different training or do you need more resources?

If you manage people, it's up to you to:

• Be clear on what you expect and share your expectations when folks come on board and when things change. Most managers I work with don't do this because many aren't clear on what they expect.
• Make performance reviews and meetings you've set up to hear what your staff has to say a priority. Don't keep canceling and rescheduling--it sends the message that it's a low priority and eventually your employees give up.
• Initiate conversations about performance and expectations. Don't expect your people to know what you want. Employees are cautious about asking, don't think they should have to ask, don't think it's their right or think should know and are embarrassed to ask.
• Follow up on what you say you're going to do after you have a heart-to heart with someone.
• Set up a vehicle for holding regular conversations to see how things are going.

Too many managers tell me they know they should do these things, but don't have time, don't know how or are afraid of hurting someone's feelings if they tell them what they think.

If you feel ill-equipped to give constructive feedback, get training. Odds are, if you are afraid to hold these conversations with your folks, you're not holding them on your behalf with your manager either. It's no wonder so many people are dissatisfied at work. If you are waiting for others to step up and tell you what they expect and they are waiting for you, how will anyone know what you want?

© by Andrea Kay