What's a sure way to annoy someone you just met whom you want to make a part of your network? Be a networking fool.

All you have to do is what half the people in the room of a luncheon I attended last week did:

1. Go to the event with the intent to "shmooze."

This is where you go up to as many people as you can, smile broadly, shake hands firmly, introduce yourself, ask their name and what they do and act interested. You do this with the goal of getting their business card so you can call or e-mail them later to ask them if they'd like to "network" or if they know of any jobs or people you can talk to.

2. Be on the lookout for your next shmooze victim.

While you're pretending to listen to what one person has to say, glance around when you think they're not looking. This way you can keep an eye on who just walked in and might be even better to accost and pretend you're interested in what they have to say. This allows you to stay focused on your goal to collect as many business cards as possible.

3. Keep saying to yourself and believing, "It's not what you know, it's who you know."

This will reinforce your need to constantly check out who's milling around and ignore the human being in front of you. Because who knows, the next person could just be the one, who, if they just knew you, would surely help you out with your career, right?

See how easy it is to be a networking fool? You probably didn't mean to be that way, but that's what it comes down to. And it's not helping you get what you want.

How do you not turn into a networking fool? Give people more credit. When you approach someone, be genuine and have something meaningful to say.

Don't shmooze in the first place, says Keith Ferrazzi, author of Never Eat Alone and Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship At a Time (Doubleday.)

"Most people haven't figured out that it's better to spend more time with fewer people at a one-hour get-together and have one or two meaningful dialogues, then engage in the wandering-eye routine and lose the respect of most of the people you meet," he says.

Not only will having a real conversation with someone lead to a better result, the experience won't feel so shallow.

At a talk I gave recently, audience members were asking me what techniques to use to keep in touch with people they meet. One person asked if I knew of any software that would remind him to send out a mass mailing or check in with people.

This kind of "networking" isn't necessarily foolish. But it demonstrates that most people don't understand the art of making a meaningful connection.

The point isn't to contact a bunch of people in the quickest way possible. And it's not a matter of just checking in. Put your energy into thinking about what you want to say to someone that will make a difference to them or build your relationship. Whether face-to-face or not, have something meaningful to say.

By the way, when I emptied my pockets after the luncheon, I found dozens of business cards from people I couldn't remember. There is one person I recall well and whose card I kept because she and I had a real conversation with no agenda attached. The rest got pitched.

© by Andrea Kay