Eighty-seven people have come up to me and said, "I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up." And that's just in the last year. So I hear it a lot. They always laugh when they say it. I never do because, I've heard it 1,570 times by now. And second, it's not funny.

Most people who say it are really sad. Most are confessing that they are unhappy but don't know what else to do and feel stuck. They also tell me that they wish they could be like everyone else--all those people who knew what they wanted to be when growing up and are doing it. These I-wish-I-knew-what-I-was-supposed-to-be-believers, are not only sad, they are ill-informed.

When I asked one of these believers, "Who is everyone else that knows what you don't?" he told me about his seventh grade friend who has been a stock broker his entire career and made lots of money. "He just knew what he wanted to be," this man said wistfully. "He must be happy since he's still doing it and makes good money." Others cite college roommates who knew they wanted to be accountants or doctors, while they themselves, couldn't even figure out what major to declare.

What these believers don't know is that many of these people who always knew what they wanted, didn't. They may have had a focus early on, but a) it may have been based on what someone else told them to do, b) it sounded good and they didn't have a clue what they were getting into and didn't like it afterall, c) they stuck with it because they didn't know what else to do or d) they're sick of doing it and want something else.

So, let's clarify one illusion: Most people really don't know what they want to "be" when they're growing up. They are more like you than you think.

Second, you are not a stagnant being that becomes something and stays that way happily ever after. You change. Your priorities, interests and motivation change. Because of a personal experience or health concern, you may decide to change the focus of your work. I know people who have left corporate jobs and gone into education after seeing deprived children in third world countries. I've met sales people who became health educators after a diagnosis of a particular disease. Did they grow up knowing they wanted to educate people on how to cope with diabetes? It never occurred to them until much later in life.

The world also changes. The occupation you choose at one point and makes you valuable may shift depending on what direction the world goes in. For example, as issues such as privacy, terrorism, immigration and borders become more prominent, occupations related to security will change and adapt to those issues.

Please stop saying, "I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up." You not only perpetuate the illusion that someday you're going to discover the one thing you're meant to be and live happily ever after. You also shirk your responsibility to keep on learning and develop into who you are continually becoming.

© by Andrea Kay