You don’t know Valerie but can probably relate. After spending 15 years in a career that zaps her energy and has taken its toll on her personal life, Valerie claims she wants more before it’s too late. Sound familiar?

The thing is, I doubt she’ll get it, even though she says she wants to be happy once and for all—and even knows what it is that might make her so. She wants to be a nurse. It’s something she’s wanted for 20 years.

So what’s the problem? She’s afraid she won’t like it after spending all that time and money getting a new education. She wants a guarantee, and since she can’t get it, she has an excuse for not following her dream.

She keeps asking me what she should do. I’ve sent her out to talk to people to find out what the profession is really like. To see if what she pictures herself doing is what the work entails. To ask people what their worst and best day is like and if they find their career satisfying and why.

I’ve assured her she has the compassion and the skills to be a great nurse. All she needs is the commitment and formal education. Whenever she thinks about being a nurse she says it “feels like home.”

We’ve developed a plan so she can work part time, pay her bills, go back to school and have her degree in two years. But she hasn’t signed up for nursing classes. She just keeps asking, “What if I don’t like it?” and then goes back to her life that there’s no doubt she doesn’t like—but knows what to expect.

Valerie found out she has cancer. Now, she says she can’t possibly go after her dream to be a nurse and she will never find out if she would have liked it.

Every choice has a consequence. Valerie’s choice keeps her safe and secure, but not happy. If she could know with certainty the consequence of her other choice, she says she’d do it. Since no one knows the consequences, she won’t take the risk.

You may relate but you don’t have to make the same choice that Valerie did--to be more focused on what it’s going to cost you than what you will gain from going after what you want.

If you want more satisfaction in your life and career, you have to take a risk without knowing how it’s going to turn out. That’s just how it works. If you’re willing but scared, ask yourself these questions in this order:

1. Do I want to live my life according to my fears or my dreams?
   If your fears are running you, ask the next question.
2. What do I tell myself that is getting in my way of doing what I want?
   Do you tell yourself: I don’t have the money. Or, people won’t respect me as much if I become a (fill in the blank.) I won’t make as much money. I may not succeed. I don’t know as much as others in this field to be successful.
3. Do I want this bad enough to make my will stronger than my fear?
   If the answer is yes, make the choice to go after it. Write out: I choose to (fill in the blank.)

Then manage the process to get there despite the obstacles. Every day schedule an activity that moves you towards attaining your goal. Eventually your new habits will drive you and that’s when you’ll be living according to your dreams instead of your fears.

© by Andrea Kay