Dear Lost and Looking:

You sound panicked, which is not a good start. Panic breeds fear and knee jerk reactions. So, first, take a deep breath and try to look at this differently.

Instead of this being a struggle and an end result that you must find, see this as a quest. The quest itself--which is a process--is what will lead you to your answer.

Like you, most people think there's a simple answer to the question, "What can I do that will be meaningful and make me happy?" Tests can help you identify your interests, personal preferences and abilities. They can point out how your interests compare to people who work in various occupations. The results may help you understand how your preferences fit into the world of work.

But they do not tell you what you should do. One test I saw even states that the results can give you useful information about yourself--perhaps even nothing more than you already know, but "do not expect miracles."

No single person has the answer for you either. It can be useful to get others' opinions and advice. But they don't live your life.

The quest includes:

1. Getting personal with yourself.

   You're asking a very personal question. So you need to discover what you think and know about yourself through introspection. This is not easy. First, our society doesn't promote introspection. It promotes action. Second, most people think they don't have time to reflect. Third, most people don't know what to look at or ask themselves.

   Here are suggestions:

   • Write a list of activities in your life that you enjoyed doing, did well, became thoroughly engrossed in--even losing track of time--and felt a sense of accomplishment in doing them. What were you doing that's similar in all of them? What patterns do you see?

   • Write answers to these questions: What do you feel you need to do most in the world? What would you do if you could--even if you didn't get paid for it?

   This is a starting point for you to get to know what you care most about and are best at doing.

2. Be intent.

   Decide that you are intent on discovering how the information you found out about yourself fits into the world of work. Being fearless and focused will lead you to books, articles, information and people. This will put ideas in your head. You'll start putting two and two together. You'll dig deeper and see how your skills and passion fit into a career. Wheels will start turning and doors will open. Opportunities will present themselves.

3. Make choices through your gut.

   As you get ideas and discover opportunities, imagine yourself committing to a particular direction. What does that feel like? Can you see yourself doing that? Will you be doing what you care most about and do best? Listen to your intuition.

4. Enjoy the process.

   There's a Buddhist saying: "Act always as if the future of the Universe depended on what you did, while laughing at yourself for thinking that whatever you do makes any difference."

In other words, take your quest and desire to make a difference seriously, but be humble about it. Focus, but be carefree. Otherwise, it is merely a struggle to get to a destination. You miss out on the whole purpose, which is to see where this takes you using your intuition and the will within you as your guide. This is where you will find the answer to your question.

© by Andrea Kay

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