It's not surprising that Stephen B. Poulter and I give similar responses to the frequently asked question, "What do I do to ‘fast track' my career?" Dr. Poulter, a clinical psychologist, and I both point to the importance of understanding the tremendous power of relationships. But I was surprised to learn one particular relationship he is thinking of: The one with your father.

Whether absent or not, your father is pivotal in shaping your professional relationships and future success, says Poulter, author of "The Father Factor: How Your Father's Legacy Impacts Your Career" (Prometheus Books.)

The most common and debilitating professional struggles you experience--interpersonal conflict, power-plays, gender issues or self doubt--are directly connected to the conscious awareness of the influence your father has in your career development, he says.

Don't confuse this with your career choice, thinking that just because you didn't follow in his footsteps, dad didn't influence you.

The father factor can create your most significant weakness and your most significant strength on the job and determine your level of job satisfaction. It applies to women and men of all ages. And if you're going to "maximize your individual potential and ability in your career and life", it is a timeless influence that must be properly understood, he asserts.

To understand the power of relationships you have with others in your career, you need to grasp the concept of attachment--especially as it relates to your father, he says. This means being aware of how you related to and bonded with your dad when growing up. This "attachment" is the foundation for relating to the world--including your coworkers, clients and bosses.

How you related to and bonded with your mother is equally critical, he says. But the attachment to fathers is least understood. One way this relationship shows up is in leaders of companies. Many of them came from homes where they had close relationships with strong fathers, he cites. But some had distant attachments with their dads and lack emotional warmth that caused them "to adopt a cold, aggressive leadership style" tending to feel that showing emotion with subordinates would be unnatural.

Some people who had insecure attachments to their fathers seek bosses who are father substitutes--"people who pay their subordinates a great deal of attention and exhibit a lot of empathy." And others had such a weak attachment to their father they lack the necessary self esteem "to express themselves forcefully and creatively."

Do any of these sound familiar? You have difficulty working for male bosses, interacting with other authority figures and you tend to lash out at co-workers and show a lot of anger. Then you may be the son of an "Absent" father, says Poulter.

You have turned into the type of executive others refer to as a "female terminator"--perhaps overcompensating for feelings of inferiority. This handicap comes from not getting a sense of competence from your father and you are at a severe disadvantage in the workplace, he says.

But you are not doomed to a disastrous career. Understanding the significant role your father and his fathering style had in forming your professional behavior and how you relate to others is the first step.

Also, consider the positive and negative power that your father's traits, habits, rules and behaviors have on you, says Poulter. Decide what you want to change and identify what sets you off so you can reduce self-destructive behavior.

If you feel angry or disappointed about your childhood past, consider the concept of forgiveness. "Releasing your father allows you to no longer have one foot in the past and one in the present."

Whatever your experience has been, now it is up to you to use your "father factor" insight to become the professional you want to be.

© by Andrea Kay

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