Put two people in a room and one thing’s pretty certain: Eventually there will be a disagreement about something. What happens next much of the time is that each person tries to prove that he or she is right and the other person is wrong about whatever it is they disagree on.
It’s human nature. And it’s what damages even destroys--relationships, trust and productivity in the workplace.
Defending your viewpoint is natural because when there’s a disagreement, something you believe in is being challenged. You’re defending what you believe to be true and proving that a different view is faulty, say Warren Schmidt and BJ Gallagher Hateley, authors of Is It Always Right To Be Right? (Amacom.) You will tend to see the other person as an opponent to defeat, rather than someone who might teach you something.
Determined to maintain your position at all costs, you become frozen in your "rightness." And until someone becomes unentrenched from their position and says, "Uh, maybe I was wrong," you can’t see fellow workers and good people. You only see adversaries.
There are plenty of rewards for being this determined to be right, the authors add. It makes us feel superior. We get to do things our way and feel in control--not controlled by someone else. We confirm our beliefs. We win. And victory is sweet.
It’s how that victory was achieved that’s critical, they say. Because just being right doesn’t work. Typically, two people in conflict are trying to change each other’s beliefs or behavior. Making him or her wrong doesn’t make that person want to change. It makes someone either retreat or attack. That’s also human nature.
"People need space to change and keep their self-respect and dignity," they say. You need room to search for a compromise and view the disagreement as a learning opportunity, not a contest. They suggest you:
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