Another woman describes her former boss as a "lunatic who called me daily and screamed at the top of his voice...my stomach started churning just getting ready for work, living in dread of this man's incredible mood swings."

According to Harvey Hornstein, Ph.D., author of Brutal Bosses, "Relationships between adults begin with the assumption of some level of mutual and unconditional respect." That seems fair. And a boss who crosses the line "violates universal social prescriptions...and breaks the rules of decency that form the heart of any community."

This covers lying; restricting your activities outside of work; threatening harm for not complying with their wishes; making you a scapegoat; punishing or providing unequal benefit due to favoritism; public humiliation, personal attack or name-calling; behaving in ways that violate ordinary standards of politeness and fairness (this includes a "flagrant lack of concern for (your life): 'I don't give a damn about your family's problems'"; implying a master-servant status where bosses can do or say anything they please.

Any of this behavior is always inappropriate he says. You're treated like a second-class citizen. "At the core of all oppressive behavior is a negation of another person's social worth."

But it's hard to walk away from. You may not want to quit your job or fear your boss will make life more miserable or you'll be fired if you stand up. So the wound gets deeper. It goes unhealed.

And the abuse and your pain continues. Bosses "prey upon subordinates regularly and often with complete impunity because their power intimidates and silences their victims."

Ideally, Hornstein says, bosses should voluntarily refrain from this behavior. But tragically, many don't . "Workers should be able to pursue corrective measures within their organizations, free from backlash and confident of a fair hearing..."

But they're not. So the system must be changed "by broadening our concept of the workplace to include and involve the community that houses it." The costs--"robbing citizens and institutions of their dignity and productivity--cannot be tolerated...bosses who brutalize subordinates must be outlawed. Bosses everywhere must be put on notice. Communities are watching."

You must also be on the alert and ready to assert yourself. Do this by calmly stating that you will not tolerate this kind of behavior. Walk away if it continues. If the boss is yelling that "you did such and such and how stupid can you be", question the information that's being thrown at you.

Standing up to the assault won't be easy. But standing up for yourself with appropriate words and action will strengthen your dignity. Which is something no one can take from you.

Tough Boss Test
Not sure if yours is an abusive boss or just plain tough? Here are some questions to find out. Does your boss require that his or standards be met before giving a compliment? Expect you to dress appropriately at all times? Demand that you give your best effort all the time? Insist you work hard? Criticize the quality work you do? Demand you constantly do high quality work? These are signs of a tough boss--not an abusive one.

© by Andrea Kay